Working Girl

Starting next week, I am officially back to work! After 2 months of unemployment, frustration, multiple interviews, and getting slightly off track, I felt really good about this job. I had my first interview on Friday and was scheduled for a second interview on the spot. So on Monday, I went in for my second interview. After about a half hour, they asked me to wait for 10 minutes. At that point, I had a pretty strong feeling that I would be offered something and sure enough! They brought me back into the office and offered me a job on the spot! Now, it’s time to face another transition.

This is a big transition for me. Not only is it returning to work after a shaky 2 months, it’s also returning to my career field, counseling. After discharging from PHP a year ago this month, I looked into counseling jobs. I even interviewed at a variety of organizations, including an eating disorder treatment center; however, after getting an offer from the ED center, I decided I wasn’t ready to go back to giving therapy, especially for eating disorders. So, I ended up working for a boarding school where I could incorporate some of these skills, but it wasn’t the same. Towards the end of my time at that job, I was finally feeling ready to return to counseling, if only because I missed it.

Going into the counseling field was an easy decision. I fell in love with the idea of being a therapist in college, and I’ve never looked back. Even during grad school with my toughest clients and worst days at the clinic, I knew that this is what I was meant to do. With some time off for reflection and learning to work again in recovery, it’s time for my return to doing therapy; however, I am anticipating that it will not be without its challenges.

My biggest challenge will always be balance. As my therapist likes to remind me, I suck at self care and making that separate time to take care of myself. I have always been a perfectionist. I have sacrificed relationships, friendships, family time, and my own health just to ensure that I am the best worker I can be. I have never wanted to disappoint, and I make sure that I do whatever it takes to avoid that. That combination of perfectionism and people pleasing can be my downfall. So, ensuring to incorporate self care will be the most important thing I can do to be successful both in recovery and at work.

Another challenge will be being a therapist again. I knew I couldn’t go back to the field after doing 70 hours of therapy for 12 weeks. After doing so much of my own work, I was emotionally burnt out. I could not have the amount of empathy needed to maintain therapeutic relationships, because I had been forced to use it on myself for the past 3 months. Also, going from being on a locked unit for 3 months and returning to a regular work schedule is a kind of culture shock. But now, I will be working with men who have been recently released from the criminal justice system and are required to attend treatment for drugs and alcohol. This population tends to have higher rates of trauma, and substance abuse recovery has many of the similar constructs as eating disorder recovery. It’s going back into a world that I haven’t been out of for a year, but I’m on the other side of the table this time.

My final challenge is meal plan fulfillment. I am still doing multiple bottles of Ensure a day just to make sure I get everything in. That’s always a tricky question. People who don’t know my struggles almost always ask me why I’m drinking it. Most normal 20-somethings aren’t drinking nutritional drinks. Typically, you see Ensure/Boost in hospitals or nursing homes to help patients who can’t eat for whatever reason. So, I have to brace myself for the questions. I also need to make sure I make the time throughout the day to eat all my snacks and meals, and be honest with my dietician if it’s not working.

As with every other transition, the best thing anyone can do is have a plan. I need to have an idea of how/when/what I will do self care. I have to be mindful of my meal plan and try not to feel ashamed of doing what I have to do. I need to be the best I can be without pushing myself past feasible limits. Without recovery, I won’t have a job. I will be back in treatment.

I will always go back to the title of this blog: You Don’t Want to Go Back to Treatment, Do You?
Nope. I’m good with finally returning to a normal life. It’s pretty nice.