Some days, I’m just not really sure what to say. Today is one of
those days. As NEDA Week 2015 comes to a close, the reality sets in
that, while we have 1 week a year to help truly bring awareness to
eating disorders, these 7 days don’t come close to expressing how
difficult it is to live with an eating disorder.
No amount of
blogging, sharing, or talking can give the true picture of what it’s
like to be trapped in an eating disorder mindset every day. It’s being
completely stuck in your own mind and using these behaviors that you
might hate, but just can’t stop doing.
No amount of facts
describes what it’s like to be laying in bed unable to sleep, because
your mind is racing with things you’ve fucked up that day, how much you
hate yourself, and thinking of all the ways to punish yourself for the
things you’ve done.
No before and after transformation picture
will describe the hell you went through to get from picture 1 to 2. The
amount of physical and emotional pain that you undergo in treatment in
order to enter recovery. The strength it takes to overcome all of those
awful thoughts in order to eat even one bite of your meal plan for the
day. The work you had to put in to get there.
No wearing purple or
mismatched socks will make people understand the battle that goes on
with even trying to put on clothes for the day. The criticism you hear
your head no matter what item you pick up. How fat you feel, regardless
of what others say or what the mirror may show. The dread that sets in
when you realize you have to leave your house and have other people see
you.
That being said:
No awareness means that others won’t
recognize when they may have an eating disorder, because symptoms have
never been previously discussed.
No awareness means that those who
recognize that they are struggling may not reach out because of fear
that others won’t understand.
No awareness means that no steps will be taken to improve the research and treatment of eating disorders.
No awareness means that the journey to recovery becomes that much harder.
Thank
you to all who participated in NEDA week. Raising awareness will help
the discussion of eating disorders become more prevalent, which in turn
will help more people receive services and reach the recovery that they
deserve.
Showing posts with label neda awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label neda awareness. Show all posts
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
I Had No Idea
The theme of this year's NEDA week is "I Had No Idea." Sometimes, we have these cookie cutter ideas of what eating disorders are and how they can impact a person, but there's so much more to them than just a label.
I Had No Idea:
I Had No Idea:
- The level of distortion I had when looking in the mirror.
- I was so cold all the time, because of ED.
- How much hair I would lose.
- I would end up with a chronic heart condition.
- Eating a meal would continue to cause stomach pain and issues, even in recovery.
- There are no good/bad foods.
- How hard it is to begin eating again- physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- My thoughts were covering up so much more underneath.
- Using behaviors would give the high that cocaine once did.
- Wanting to be thinner wouldn't make me any happier.
- How quickly dieting turned into disorder.
- Seeing the size on my clothes get lower would cause me to push harder.
- Not everyone constantly beats themselves up mentally everyday.
- How much my self-worth would become dependent on size, shape, and numbers.
- A bad body image day would impact my ability to do anything.
- Skipping work would happen so frequently from being sick from behaviors.
- That I punished myself with restricting.
- I would use self-injury.
- Other mental health issues contributed to my ED behaviors.
- Anorexia would be closer to me than many friends and family when I'm sick.
- The impact of my behaviors on my ability to perform well at work.
- Lying would become a part of my daily routine.
- I wasn't very good at hiding behaviors, even though ED told me I was.
- EDs have a major influence on how your brain works and performs.
- I had no clue who I was without my eating disorder.
- Anorexia would become my identity.
- The negativity of my core beliefs.
- How strongly my trauma affected me without restricting.
- Talking about my issues would be and continues to be the hardest thing I have to do.
- The amount of support I needed and continue to need to stay in recovery.
- Comparing myself to others would cause me to lose self-confidence.
- How amazing the community of people fighting EDs is.
- As a therapist, I wouldn't know all the answers to help fix myself.
- I wouldn't be able to bring myself to dance again.
- People don't spend 2 hours in the grocery store to get a basket's worth of food.
- I have the ability to take care of myself and other people.
- Suicide would be an option I would ever seriously consider.
- My behaviors could have killed me.
- Hunger cues would go away, and Fullness cues take time to adjust.
- That I would continue to fight anorexia 10 years later.
- Just how sick I actually was.
- I would have to give up my job, relationships, friendships, life in order to go to treatment.
- I would lose everything to my eating disorder.
- You have to hit rock bottom before you can build yourself back up again.
- Even skipping one meal in recovery would put me off track.
- Insurance coverage is solely based on numbers, not on actual mental stability.
- Letting go of behaviors would be this difficult.
- How hard it is to stay in recovery.
- I could feel so good without using behaviors, being a certain size, or a number on the scale.
- Treatment would be the hardest thing I would face, but it was absolutely worth it.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Why is Eating Disorder Awareness Important?
February 22 through 28 is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. This is the week where schools, organizations, and more can bring more education and attention to eating disorders and the accompanying issues. But why is it so important? Here are my top 7 reasons why we need eating disorder awareness:
1) Eating Disorders affect over 30 million people in the United States
Looking at my life, I have been able to identify many people who have struggled with eating disorder behaviors. Even though these behaviors don't aways lead to eating disorder diagnoses, they are still common in our society. We often hear about the newest diet fads and pressure to be thin. I can remember as young as elementary school recognizing the importance that people place on shape, size, appearance, and more. The value I took from this and placed on myself is how my eating disorder started. I felt the need to be thin and was willing to go to any length to make that happen. Regardless of how eating disorders begin, you can't always tell who has one. Eating disorders affect all genders, races, and ages. Bringing awareness to how common eating disorders truly are can help us facilitate the conversation about the symptoms, signs, and options more openly in order for everyone to get the help they deserve.
2) Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
Eating disorders wreck not only the mental health of people struggling but also the physical. Each classification of eating disorders can come with their own set of physical problems. Most commonly, people with eating disorders have heart, stomach, electrolyte, neurological, and other issues.
3) Eating Disorders have long lasting effects, even in recovery.
ED has all kinds of physical and mental aftershocks. Physically, I have a heart condition and stomach issues over a year after treatment. These are problems that are irreversible and only become more severe in a relapse. These physical problems can make recovery that much harder. I have a very difficult time facing the fact that I have done this to my body. It triggers my guilt and shame, which feed my eating disorder. It's a vicious cycle. I truly believe that I will live the rest of my life with my eating disorder. I don't think that voice in my head will ever completely go away. With work, it can get quieter, as it has over the last year, but silence seems like a dream. Everyone's journey is different, but eating disorders make a major impact on one's life.
4) Eating Disorders often co-occur with other mental health problems.
Most eating disorders do not come alone. Many people, myself included, struggle with other disorders at the same time, including: depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and more. These disorders can also impact each other. For example, if someone is experiencing more severe depression or anxiety symptoms, he or she might turn to eating disorder behaviors to help cope. This adds more layers to treatment. Not only do you have to treat the behaviors, but you have to teach new coping skills for the other disorders as well. This multifaceted process takes time and patience.
5) Awareness helps reduce stigma.
By increasing the conversation, we can help reduce the negative connotation associated not only eating disorders, but all mental health issues. While we are improving on mental health care and awareness in our country, it is still seem as shameful to admit to having a problem. This makes admitting that you are struggling that much harder, because you are afraid of the fallout. It is even worse when some people say things like, "She looks so anorexic" or "He needs to go work off that food." You can never tell who is impacted by eating disorders. Comments like these only perpetuate the stereotypes and increase the stigma. By becoming educated, it can help open up the conversation and process to entering some type of treatment.
6) Insurance companies are difficult when it comes to treatment.
Let's be real- insurance companies suck when it comes to the treatment of eating disorders. To them, it's all a numbers game. Someone can be struggling really badly, but if he/she is in the goal weight range, insurance can say, "Sorry. Not gonna cover anymore." Residential treatment typically costs over $1000 a day. Unless you are extraordinarily wealthy, that's almost impossible to pay out of pocket for the amount of time it takes for appropriate care. For me, my insurance company dropped me from partial hospitalization the same day I was released from the hospital. I had been inpatient for a week after being actively suicidal. I returned to treatment and was told that I was no longer covered. I went from 42 hours of treatment per week to 15. The reason? I didn't lose that much weight in the hospital, so clearly, I didn't need PHP anymore. Bringing awareness gets the conversation started about how we can organize to help institute change to better serve all people.
7) Recovery is a much easier journey with support.
One of the biggest components of my treatment has been raising awareness among my own friends and family. Discussing my needs in order to be more successful in recovery would not have been as easy had they not taken the time to learn about my disorder and how to help. Awareness helps people get a feel for how difficult living with an eating disorder truly is. I admit that I am a very difficult person to deal with on days I'm struggling. I recognize that, but I am also still working to change that. It doesn't happen overnight. They also have learned what behaviors I display at the beginning of a lapse. That patience and knowledge, because they have taken the time, is a huge part of the reason why I am still in recovery today.
This is not an easy process and one week out of the year is not a lot to truly recognize all the facets to eating disorders; however, one week is better than nothing. NEDA week means that people can truly learn what the impacts of these disorders are. It's not just starving yourself to be thin or eating large amounts of food to make yourself feel better. These disorders are nasty.
Your hair falls out. You get dark circles. Your teeth rot. You are cold all the time. You don't have enough energy to make it through a day without taking naps. You are constantly miserable. You are fighting a war against yourself every minute of everyday. You are irritable towards others. You isolate in order to do behaviors. Your heart skips beats. You pass out. You can't eat a normal meal without ending up in the fetal position after. You hate your life. You think about ending it. You lose everything. Worst of all? You lose yourself.
So, please take the time to discuss eating disorders this week! It can be with family, friends, coworkers, children, strangers, anyone. The more conversations that happen, the more awareness is raised. More awareness helps build a community of support and ultimately, earlier interventions to help those struggling.
1) Eating Disorders affect over 30 million people in the United States
Looking at my life, I have been able to identify many people who have struggled with eating disorder behaviors. Even though these behaviors don't aways lead to eating disorder diagnoses, they are still common in our society. We often hear about the newest diet fads and pressure to be thin. I can remember as young as elementary school recognizing the importance that people place on shape, size, appearance, and more. The value I took from this and placed on myself is how my eating disorder started. I felt the need to be thin and was willing to go to any length to make that happen. Regardless of how eating disorders begin, you can't always tell who has one. Eating disorders affect all genders, races, and ages. Bringing awareness to how common eating disorders truly are can help us facilitate the conversation about the symptoms, signs, and options more openly in order for everyone to get the help they deserve.
2) Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
Eating disorders wreck not only the mental health of people struggling but also the physical. Each classification of eating disorders can come with their own set of physical problems. Most commonly, people with eating disorders have heart, stomach, electrolyte, neurological, and other issues.
3) Eating Disorders have long lasting effects, even in recovery.
ED has all kinds of physical and mental aftershocks. Physically, I have a heart condition and stomach issues over a year after treatment. These are problems that are irreversible and only become more severe in a relapse. These physical problems can make recovery that much harder. I have a very difficult time facing the fact that I have done this to my body. It triggers my guilt and shame, which feed my eating disorder. It's a vicious cycle. I truly believe that I will live the rest of my life with my eating disorder. I don't think that voice in my head will ever completely go away. With work, it can get quieter, as it has over the last year, but silence seems like a dream. Everyone's journey is different, but eating disorders make a major impact on one's life.
4) Eating Disorders often co-occur with other mental health problems.
Most eating disorders do not come alone. Many people, myself included, struggle with other disorders at the same time, including: depression, anxiety, PTSD, OCD, and more. These disorders can also impact each other. For example, if someone is experiencing more severe depression or anxiety symptoms, he or she might turn to eating disorder behaviors to help cope. This adds more layers to treatment. Not only do you have to treat the behaviors, but you have to teach new coping skills for the other disorders as well. This multifaceted process takes time and patience.
5) Awareness helps reduce stigma.
By increasing the conversation, we can help reduce the negative connotation associated not only eating disorders, but all mental health issues. While we are improving on mental health care and awareness in our country, it is still seem as shameful to admit to having a problem. This makes admitting that you are struggling that much harder, because you are afraid of the fallout. It is even worse when some people say things like, "She looks so anorexic" or "He needs to go work off that food." You can never tell who is impacted by eating disorders. Comments like these only perpetuate the stereotypes and increase the stigma. By becoming educated, it can help open up the conversation and process to entering some type of treatment.
6) Insurance companies are difficult when it comes to treatment.
Let's be real- insurance companies suck when it comes to the treatment of eating disorders. To them, it's all a numbers game. Someone can be struggling really badly, but if he/she is in the goal weight range, insurance can say, "Sorry. Not gonna cover anymore." Residential treatment typically costs over $1000 a day. Unless you are extraordinarily wealthy, that's almost impossible to pay out of pocket for the amount of time it takes for appropriate care. For me, my insurance company dropped me from partial hospitalization the same day I was released from the hospital. I had been inpatient for a week after being actively suicidal. I returned to treatment and was told that I was no longer covered. I went from 42 hours of treatment per week to 15. The reason? I didn't lose that much weight in the hospital, so clearly, I didn't need PHP anymore. Bringing awareness gets the conversation started about how we can organize to help institute change to better serve all people.
7) Recovery is a much easier journey with support.
One of the biggest components of my treatment has been raising awareness among my own friends and family. Discussing my needs in order to be more successful in recovery would not have been as easy had they not taken the time to learn about my disorder and how to help. Awareness helps people get a feel for how difficult living with an eating disorder truly is. I admit that I am a very difficult person to deal with on days I'm struggling. I recognize that, but I am also still working to change that. It doesn't happen overnight. They also have learned what behaviors I display at the beginning of a lapse. That patience and knowledge, because they have taken the time, is a huge part of the reason why I am still in recovery today.
This is not an easy process and one week out of the year is not a lot to truly recognize all the facets to eating disorders; however, one week is better than nothing. NEDA week means that people can truly learn what the impacts of these disorders are. It's not just starving yourself to be thin or eating large amounts of food to make yourself feel better. These disorders are nasty.
Your hair falls out. You get dark circles. Your teeth rot. You are cold all the time. You don't have enough energy to make it through a day without taking naps. You are constantly miserable. You are fighting a war against yourself every minute of everyday. You are irritable towards others. You isolate in order to do behaviors. Your heart skips beats. You pass out. You can't eat a normal meal without ending up in the fetal position after. You hate your life. You think about ending it. You lose everything. Worst of all? You lose yourself.
So, please take the time to discuss eating disorders this week! It can be with family, friends, coworkers, children, strangers, anyone. The more conversations that happen, the more awareness is raised. More awareness helps build a community of support and ultimately, earlier interventions to help those struggling.
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