I met with a dietician this morning for the first time since I previously left treatment. It's always an interesting experience to meet with them, because everyone has a different opinion on what meal plan is best for you. After going through my history, we worked on a meal plan that would be comfortable for my healthy mind, but definitely not my ED mind. It's not terrible. It's only adding 2 snacks to the lunch and dinner I've been trying to do lately anyways. It's just incredible hard when your stomach and digestive tract feel like they are going to ripped out of your body at any second.
Gastroparesis is a nasty bitch. It basically feels like nothing is passing from your stomach to your digestive tract. I can still throw up chunks of food 2 hours after I'm done eating, because it just sits there. Then, it gets to my digestive tract and sits, because my GI system basically trained itself to move very slowly in order to keep the food and energy processing longer when I was barely eating. Now that I'm eating (what seems like) all the time, my body hasn't adjusted. So, the food is literally just sitting, and I am in so much pain that all I can do is lay down, cry, and wait for it to stop.
Today, it's been a battle. After lunch with my coworkers, I could barely walk back from being in so much physical pain. Now, I am laying on my office floor, trying to open up my GI tract with some yoga, and trying not to cry. I just need to be distracted enough to try and not focus on the pain, but this is fucking brutal.
I'm still not really sure how I can do treatment and work, but if this keeps up, I might just crack.
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