Wordless

Some days, I’m just not really sure what to say. Today is one of those days. As NEDA Week 2015 comes to a close, the reality sets in that, while we have 1 week a year to help truly bring awareness to eating disorders, these 7 days don’t come close to expressing how difficult it is to live with an eating disorder.

No amount of blogging, sharing, or talking can give the true picture of what it’s like to be trapped in an eating disorder mindset every day. It’s being completely stuck in your own mind and using these behaviors that you might hate, but just can’t stop doing.

No amount of facts describes what it’s like to be laying in bed unable to sleep, because your mind is racing with things you’ve fucked up that day, how much you hate yourself, and thinking of all the ways to punish yourself for the things you’ve done.

No before and after transformation picture will describe the hell you went through to get from picture 1 to 2. The amount of physical and emotional pain that you undergo in treatment in order to enter recovery. The strength it takes to overcome all of those awful thoughts in order to eat even one bite of your meal plan for the day. The work you had to put in to get there.

No wearing purple or mismatched socks will make people understand the battle that goes on with even trying to put on clothes for the day. The criticism you hear your head no matter what item you pick up. How fat you feel, regardless of what others say or what the mirror may show. The dread that sets in when you realize you have to leave your house and have other people see you.

That being said:

No awareness means that others won’t recognize when they may have an eating disorder, because symptoms have never been previously discussed.

No awareness means that those who recognize that they are struggling may not reach out because of fear that others won’t understand.

No awareness means that no steps will be taken to improve the research and treatment of eating disorders.

No awareness means that the journey to recovery becomes that much harder.

Thank you to all who participated in NEDA week. Raising awareness will help the discussion of eating disorders become more prevalent, which in turn will help more people receive services and reach the recovery that they deserve.